Dear friends,

This is probably one of the most honest pieces of writing I have ever made public!

I usually reserve such a pouring of honesty for my journal! If you feel an inner calling to read till the end of this message, there is a purpose for this sharing. I would love to connect with you!  But first, I want to share a story with you. It’s a personal one and it’s my first time sharing to a group of you wonderful women who have crossed my life at some point on my journey into this moment.

A few years ago as some of you may know, I was at a great place in my life. My husband and I had 2 wonderful children. I had an amazing career that allowed me to work from home while adding value to an organization and group of people I cared deeply about, a beautiful home etc. etc.

And then one day as if none of that had ever existed, life as I had known it, disappeared.

I woke up immobilized and unable to do anything. By anything I mean, get out of bed, shower, care for my little ones, answer an email or any of the things that I could do in my sleep in my former self. It was as if I had woken up into a new body – a painful body that only knew this deep insatiable fatigue, a heavy dread that I experienced at the pit of my stomach and a sense of despair that I felt chained to. I did not recognize myself in this body. It was as if all colour had been wiped out of my world to be replaced by shades of black and greys and there was nothing I could imagine doing that had the slightest appeal other than sleeping. The more sleep I got, the more I craved. I found myself not being able to hold a thought through the mental confusion and living in a flood of overwhelm at accomplishing the smallest detail in my life. On top of all of this, my body also started literally cracking open in several places as lesions that doctors had no explanations for started to appear.

I abandoned my career unexpectedly and without explanation filled with shame and fear…

…not knowing how to explain what was happening to me and sunk into a deep depression. I knew that my doctors had given me some labels to explain the symptoms like Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Depression etc. The diagnoses also came with a long list of prescriptions that promised a potential for symptom management but, not a cure. And, none of those prescriptions or doctors could answer my question of “why”. Why did I get sick? Why was my body shutting down? Why was I getting the lesions? I knew that I didn’t want a future that involved a lifetime of prescriptions and lying on my couch.

I wanted my life back and didn’t know how to get it.

Fast forwarding to now 5 years later, it feels like I have lived many lifetimes in between that point in May 2008 to June 2013. There was a year of hiding at the beginning where I hid from life, hid from my friends, prayed no one would see my un-kept self as I dropped my kids off to school, so that I could crawl back into bed. Months later, there was also a point where I decided with what little will I had at the time, that I had to find a way out. A way that would lead to the many unanswered WHYs I had running thorough my mind. Why did I get sick? What was the message that my body was trying to communicate with me? Why me? Why now? There was a small but strong part of me knew that…

…the only way forward was by going inwards.

My answers came in trickles from unexpected places like finding a holistically oriented psychiatrist who did not believe in medicating his clients, and instead worked to facilitate a “waking up” of my awareness, so that I could access the answers I sought. Other helpers on my journey to wholeness showed up once I stared seeking; all of them adding their own pieces of wisdom to my searching. I worked with massage therapists, healers, physiotherapists, naturopaths, homeopaths, shamans, hematologists, masters of Chinese medicine and many others. Some of these approaches worked wonderfully and others did not. I learned to follow my instincts and listen to my body. I realized that while during much of my searching, I had been looking outside of myself; the ONLY place where I would find the answers was by looking within. I did get my answers to the many aforementioned “whys”.

My body had stories to tell.

It revealed those stories in the form of pictures, words, feelings and memories that reminded me of years of experiences from childhood that had been buried. Stories that at some point had decided I was ready to hear them when they announced their arrival in my life quite unexpectedly. It would take a book to get into details of those stories…and yes I do plan on giving voice to those stories in a book one day soon because my travels over the past few years have shown me the power of sharing our stories.

My journey to wholeness taught me new skills and brought new awareness to the suffering of others. As I got better, I felt called to reach out and share with others what I had learned. The past 5 years was not only that of healing, it was also that of learning. The trainings, workshops, retreats and courses I attended not only helped me in my healing, but also allowed me to recognize that I needed to teach to others what I was learning. Following this internal urge, I started a coaching practice, I also started writing and speaking in places where there were openings for my message.

And here’s where the story took an unexpected twist!

What I discovered was that there are many, many women and men out there going through much of what I had experienced over the past number of years. Some were very early in what I would call the descending process of a downhill battle, and others were barely clinging on, trying to make life work to their best ability. My clients were primarily women whose bodies were starting to send them similar messages as had mine. There were symptoms of overwhelming fatigue, depression, life having lost its meaning, the feeling of “is this it?” Is there something more to life? Some were noticing recurring patterns emerging in their relationships, at work and in their health. Many of these women are smart, talented self described go getters who have gone through life doing what they thought needed to get done. They are the “good” daughters, wives, mothers, star employees, self-starters who have achieved wonderful things in their personal and professional lives. And yet…at the briefest of moments, were aware of a feeling of emptiness , a sort of gnawing, knowing that everything was not as great “inside” no matter how it appeared on the outside. Many of these women could not pinpoint what it was that was wrong and often time felt guilt for even acknowledging these feelings when they felt that they had so much going for them in their life, career that they “should” be grateful for. They would often times, brush aside these moments when these feelings arose as they attended to the more urgent callings of clients, children, and family. The more they pushed aside these feelings, the stronger they seemed to get. It was as if life had lost its spark. Some hadn’t even noticed that life had lost its colour and instead had been replaced by a sense of monotonous series of meetings and events to get through day to day.

It came to me one day, that what I had lost at some point in life was this very thing I now call Inner Bling™.

It is an inner feeling of being alive; and living life with a sense of excitement and passion while being guided by an inner knowing that I was living in alignment with my purpose. It takes great courage to answer the call of our bodies and our own knowing. I feel privileged to have worked with the women that crossed my path over the past few years who have been part of my own journey to getting to this point. And now, I feel an urge to take this work outside the inner circle I have been working with to the world where there is such a need for women to wake up to their vibrancy, aliveness and power.

If you resonate with any part of my journey or know others in your inner circles, who might resonate, please feel free to share this message. I am looking to interview a number of women who are at various points along this journey of waking up to their own knowing. The interviews would be confidential and one on one with me either in person or on the phone. Time commitment would be about one hour.

I am looking to interview a select group of accomplished, professional/executive women whose input will help shape a new transformational program that will empower and ignite passion, vibrancy and a zest for living life in alignment with one’s purpose. Those interested can reach me at info@pramilda.com
In return, these participating women will benefit from being the first to have the opportunity to participate in the program offering at launch time at an incredible value.
If it’s been a while since we have been in touch, do feel free to drop me a note. I would love to reconnect with you!

PS. If you’d like to be part of our online virtual family, please send me an email to info@pramilda.com or fill in your name and email at the top of this page. I send weekly sound bites of insight to get you Inner Bling™ ignited on Sunday nights because that’s when most of us start to feel the build up of anxiety in our bodies, mostly in our stomachs. I promise only quality information and helpful insights and never to spam.

Warmest Regards,
Pramilda Zackhariyas-Seto
Email: info@pramilda.com